Well hello there.
I see you've caught me making my sexy face. This is the reason The Berba is in such high demand as a model for things like medical supplies and abstinence programs. It's exciting you to a point of overwhelming delight, isn't it? Ha-HA! ... I'm going to just ignore your violent gagging and continue doing this until you realize how aroused you are. Or until the police arrive. Whichever comes first.
Putting aside my facial wonders for a moment, I feel I must explain why I didn't satisfy you by unleashing my erotic will with even more goals this weekend. You see, before the match against Sunderland, Sir Alex came to me and said, "Berba, you are so good and so debonair that the other strikers are feeling bad about themselves. Especially the short one whose name you can never remember. Please don't be offended, but I must start them instead of you this time." ... Yes, that's exactly what he said. Anyway, I agreed like the suave and sensual gentleman that I am. Yet, at halftime, Sir Alex came to me again and said, "Berba, we desperately need your sexy scoring touch and your receding widow's peak-obscuring hairstyle to win this match for us!" And so I entered the match with a carnal flourish.
Unfortunately, the linesman felt the need to protect Sunderland from my raw power by calling me offside when I scored yet again. But my cousin Timitar Berbatov is expressing our feelings on that to him by using his bed as an outhouse. Ha-HA!
Now, how about a kiss right where my upper lip erotically meets my nose?
Oh-OHHHH! I just tried to stop making this face so I could surprise you with a deep, passionate earlobe kiss and I couldn't do it! Oh, this is horrible! I think I my face truly is stuck like this! Oh, it's going to be incredibly difficult to eat raccoon cheese on crackers now. Oh, it's a good thing this is at least a flattering expression for me.
Join us again next time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...
Photo: Getty Images
Related: Berbatov is...The Continental
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