Ask the Readers: Help! I’m Overwhelmed! How Do I Get Started?

I’ll admit it: I’m way behind on posting reader questions. I get tons of questions, and can never reply to all of them. I do ask a handful of folks if they’d like to put their problems to the general readership. But even after sifting these through, I still have about a dozen dilemmas to put before you.

I had hoped to write up one “ask the readers” column per week that I’ll be in Europe, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I’ll post one today, and then we’ll tackle the backlog in earnest when I return.

Today’s reader question is a little bit different. Generally I edit the e-mails severely and then chime in with my advice before passing the baton to you. I’m not going to abridge today’s message at all. I’m posting exactly what came in. And I’m not going to lend advice — I’ll leave that all to you.

Here then are the woes of Kim, a single parent who is at her wit’s end.

My life has exploded with craziness. I am 26, a single mom (again) going through a dissolution of marriage from my husband (not my son’s father).

My husband kept everything, the house (currently in foreclosure) and furniture, his paid off car, the pets, etc. I kept my son and his belongings, my second hand dresser (older than me) my bed and books and my new car with a slightly hefty car payment (just under $300/mo). Everything else I own is second hand. I’m happy with this decision. I miss my house (I made it a home) but I’m happy with my 2 bedroom apartment. I removed myself from a very unhappy situation and with the support of my friends and family I’ve found independence and happiness.

My mother is disabled (brings home $800 a month after her medicare cost) I help her out as much as I can and in exchange she gives me free babysitting for various times. My son is 7, is very active (soccer, baseball, cub scouts, etc) has many friends and is the love of my life. I give him an allowance of $10 a month which is split between spending, saving (for college), charity, and saving for a long term goal (currently a vacation next year). He also receives spare change and sometimes dollar bills from my wonderful family which he is awesome about saving for his long term goal or giving to charity.

I’ve taught my son what my parents did not, money management. I’m still trying to teach myself. This year was especially crazy as my sister is getting married. I spent about $1,000 on the wedding (I’m a bridesmaid).

I currently work 2 jobs (1 full time and 1 part time), I coach soccer, I am involved in my sons’ scouting activities (mostly planning/helping at pack mtgs), and I have just started dating a very wonderful, responsible man.

My problem is I feel like I don’t know where to start. I gained a lot of unwanted weight during my marriage, the accumulated debt feels like a dead weight which I’m ALMOST done paying off but can’t seem to get rid of the last little bit, I’ve saved quite a bit but have also spent a majority of my savings due to unexpected expenses, I’ve neglected my mental health (I’m diagnosed bi-polar and depression) because I can’t seem to squeeze time and money for therapy sessions ($25 co-pay per 50 min visit), my teeth are in bad shape due to past bulimia/lack of insurance problems. How would I prioritize my and my sons needs/wants?

My sons teeth are in OK shape, mostly needs 1 cavity filled but the other 2 cavities are in teeth that will fall out very soon (doesn’t make sense to fill them). Otherwise his activities just seem to nickel and dime me to death. My boyfriend and I planned a vacation before we started dating and we were just friends. He gave me the deal of a lifetime and I took it with the support and well wishing of friends and family. We are now dating and he doesn’t understand that I don’t want him to pay for everything, even if I’m struggling. I have a need to accomplish things on my own, I don’t want him to rescue me every time I make a mistake financially.

I have a separate vacation fund with Smarty Pig, a savings account linked to my checking account which is used as a small emergency fund (for expenses I forget about) and am waiting until after my sis’ wedding to start a Smarty Pig emergency fund that I won’t be able to touch as easily. I promised my son we would take another family vacation next year and I feel that I could swing it if I pinched my pennies harder.

I guess my question is how do I prioritize my life? How would a normal (i.e. an individual who doesn’t feel like they are drowning) put their priorities? I’ve always put everyone else first, mostly I had to because I was a young single mom and relied on others to help me out so I felt like I owed them everything.

I do accept help for certain things that I feel guilty about (my dad pays my car insurance, I don’t pay my dad for babysitting but I pay my mom, etc). I’m intelligent, I’m better off now than I’ve ever been in my life and I’m happy even under all this feeling of helplessness and overwhelmed. Between both jobs and my child support I gross about $36,000 but I can’t really identify where about $8,000 a year goes. I’m currently tracking my spending in Excel to figure it out. (And by the way, I’m considering quitting my second job simply because I miss my kid!)

What advice can you offer me? I need to hear the truth from an objective party, no matter how gruesome it is.

Now do you see why I can’t reply to every e-mail I receive?

Kim’s situation sounds overwhelming. When I try to think of advice I could give her, it all sounds facile or mean. (”Yes, cut the cable TV. Use that money for one of the goals that matters to you!”) Or it sounds like a cop-out. (”Seek the advice of a trained professional!”) Plus, there’s a part of me that wants to offer to contribute money to her Smarty Pig account because I feel like she needs it more than I do.

But none of that is really constructive.

So, dear readers, this week I’m not going to offer my customary response to the “ask the readers” question. Instead, it’s all going to be your advice.

What should Kim do? Where should she set her priorities? How much help should she accept from others? What can she do to solve her problems herself? If you were in her situation, where would you start?

This article is about Ask the Readers, Budgeting, Relationships  Friday, 24th September 2010 (by J.D. Roth)  

View the original article here

Opening Doors and Taking Chances: A Special Thanks to the GRS Readers!

This article is by staff writer Adam Baker. If you’d like to continue following and reading Baker’s journey, you can catch him hanging out over at Man Vs. Debt.

Thank you.

This is my final article as a staff writer for Get Rich Slowly. Actually, it’s not going to be much of an article. It’s more of a chance for me to thank you, bid farewell, and recap some of the fun I’ve had over the last year!

Nearly 16 months ago, I heard through the grapevine that J.D. was looking for one or two new staff writers to help contribute content. At the time, I had only been blogging for a few months and it seemed like an opportunity I couldn’t afford to pass up! There was only one problem: I hadn’t received an invitation. J.D. hadn’t made his search public, officially, and having only spoken to him once, I knew there was little chance of me popping into his mind.

So, I did one of the smartest things I’ve ever done in my short writing career. I took the initiative to email J.D. I spent over an hour crafting and thinking about the email. In the end, I decided to go with something short and sweet:

First, I had heard about the staff writer search.Second, I wanted to throw my hat in the ring for consideration.Third, I would be stoked beyond belief to have the opportunity.

I hit send and I began the waiting period.

To my surprise, a couple days later a response appeared! It was J.D. thanking me for stepping up and emailing him. He informed me that there would be a handful of staff writer tryouts and that he was going to be holding a public audition on the blog. Most importantly (at least to me), he’d love to have me as part of the group if I was up for the challenge!

I remember exactly where I was… off the coast of New Zealand on a tiny island community at the only local coffee shop with free internet. I celebrated silently for a couple seconds, before terror set in. Oh crap, I was going to have to write audition posts. I was swarmed by visions of J.D. rejecting my articles on the spot. A thick fear of being laughed off the blog by readers and other bloggers set in. Despite this, I accepted the challenge.

Hours and hours of writing and editing later, I came up with these two gems:

Luckily, the 10+ hours I spent on each of those articles paid off, I survived the intensity of those two audition weeks and was offered to join the team.

Over the last year, I’ve had the pleasure of contributing dozens upon dozens (40+ I believe) of articles and posts. Some of them were wildly popular, others fell flat, and a few probably should have just stayed in draft form! But throughout it all, I learned and grew more than I could’ve imagine.

Here is a quick look back at some of my favorites. Admittedly, it was a blast looking through all the posts over the last year!

My 3-Part series on my journey into real estate investing. 5 Little Known Websites That’ll Save You Time and Money When Booking Airfare OnlineGone Phishing: How to Avoid Being Caught by ScammersHow to Get Your Free Credit Report Online: A Step-by-Step Guide11 Ways to Spice Up you Emergency FundVideo: 3 Passive Barriers I Use to Counter Consumerism

I’m super proud of each of these posts for different reasons and I’m glad to have contributed them into the GRS archives!

Thoughts on life-changing opportunities…

I always think it sounds foo-foo when people say this has been such a life changing opportunity, but in this situation I genuinely believe it has. I’ve grown as a person, as a writer, and as a thinker more in this last year than I have in my entire life. Having the opportunity to write for Get Rich Slowly has been one of the top catalysts for that positive change.

Writing for such a large, diverse, and passionate audience has been amazing. I’ll admit, at first it was hard. Really hard. I wasn’t used to having thousands and thousands of people reading and reflecting on my writing. I was terrified of the comments section of this blog! Haha.

But over time, I learned how to deliver my thoughts and ideas more clearly. I learned how to approach a diverse audience and how to handle criticism. Most of all, I learned how to be open to learning from all of you. That’s sounds awkward, but it’s been the biggest benefit of this whole process. I’ve grown to love the comment section! I’ve learned specific tips and tricks to help my own journey. I’ve been exposed to new ways of approaching topics and ideas, and I’ve undoubtedly become a better writer and blogger as a result.

When I started writing for Get Rich Slowly, my own blog had just under 1,000 subscribers. After a year, I have over 7,000. Many of you have not only read and reflected on my articles here, but have become active readers and supporters of Man Vs. Debt, as well. I realize this and thank you.

I’ve also been insanely lucky to have J.D. as a mentor over the past year. He’s invested a big chunk of time and energy in helping me grow and improve as a writer and entrepreneur. At first I was shocked by how active and passionate the GRS community was. But after getting a up close and personal view of J.D.’s personality, work ethic, and writing skill, I’m no longer surprised by this. It’s crystal clear why GRS has grown into what it has.

While this decision has been a tough one, I know the timing is right. My year here as a staff writer has helped give me opportunities in my own life and business that were just crazy daydreams a couple years previous. It’s time for me to buckle down, step up, and make them happen!

Once again, thanks guys and gals. It’s been awesome!

J.D.’s note: It’s been great to have Adam on board as a GRS staff writer. This whole “staff writer” thing was a big experiment for me, and I was scared of how it might turn out. But he and April (and later Sierra) have done a great job of writing articles I never could have done. I hope to have Baker back as a guest writer now and then, and I’ll certainly keep tabs on him at Man vs. Debt.

This article is about Administration  Saturday, 2nd October 2010 (by Adam Baker)  

View the original article here

Opening Doors and Taking Chances: A Special Thanks to the GRS Readers!

This article is by staff writer Adam Baker. If you’d like to continue following and reading Baker’s journey, you can catch him hanging out over at Man Vs. Debt.

Thank you.

This is my final article as a staff writer for Get Rich Slowly. Actually, it’s not going to be much of an article. It’s more of a chance for me to thank you, bid farewell, and recap some of the fun I’ve had over the last year!

Nearly 16 months ago, I heard through the grapevine that J.D. was looking for one or two new staff writers to help contribute content. At the time, I had only been blogging for a few months and it seemed like an opportunity I couldn’t afford to pass up! There was only one problem: I hadn’t received an invitation. J.D. hadn’t made his search public, officially, and having only spoken to him once, I knew there was little chance of me popping into his mind.

So, I did one of the smartest things I’ve ever done in my short writing career. I took the initiative to email J.D. I spent over an hour crafting and thinking about the email. In the end, I decided to go with something short and sweet:

First, I had heard about the staff writer search.Second, I wanted to throw my hat in the ring for consideration.Third, I would be stoked beyond belief to have the opportunity.

I hit send and I began the waiting period.

To my surprise, a couple days later a response appeared! It was J.D. thanking me for stepping up and emailing him. He informed me that there would be a handful of staff writer tryouts and that he was going to be holding a public audition on the blog. Most importantly (at least to me), he’d love to have me as part of the group if I was up for the challenge!

I remember exactly where I was… off the coast of New Zealand on a tiny island community at the only local coffee shop with free internet. I celebrated silently for a couple seconds, before terror set in. Oh crap, I was going to have to write audition posts. I was swarmed by visions of J.D. rejecting my articles on the spot. A thick fear of being laughed off the blog by readers and other bloggers set in. Despite this, I accepted the challenge.

Hours and hours of writing and editing later, I came up with these two gems:

Luckily, the 10+ hours I spent on each of those articles paid off, I survived the intensity of those two audition weeks and was offered to join the team.

Over the last year, I’ve had the pleasure of contributing dozens upon dozens (40+ I believe) of articles and posts. Some of them were wildly popular, others fell flat, and a few probably should have just stayed in draft form! But throughout it all, I learned and grew more than I could’ve imagine.

Here is a quick look back at some of my favorites. Admittedly, it was a blast looking through all the posts over the last year!

My 3-Part series on my journey into real estate investing. 5 Little Known Websites That’ll Save You Time and Money When Booking Airfare OnlineGone Phishing: How to Avoid Being Caught by ScammersHow to Get Your Free Credit Report Online: A Step-by-Step Guide11 Ways to Spice Up you Emergency FundVideo: 3 Passive Barriers I Use to Counter Consumerism

I’m super proud of each of these posts for different reasons and I’m glad to have contributed them into the GRS archives!

Thoughts on life-changing opportunities…

I always think it sounds foo-foo when people say this has been such a life changing opportunity, but in this situation I genuinely believe it has. I’ve grown as a person, as a writer, and as a thinker more in this last year than I have in my entire life. Having the opportunity to write for Get Rich Slowly has been one of the top catalysts for that positive change.

Writing for such a large, diverse, and passionate audience has been amazing. I’ll admit, at first it was hard. Really hard. I wasn’t used to having thousands and thousands of people reading and reflecting on my writing. I was terrified of the comments section of this blog! Haha.

But over time, I learned how to deliver my thoughts and ideas more clearly. I learned how to approach a diverse audience and how to handle criticism. Most of all, I learned how to be open to learning from all of you. That’s sounds awkward, but it’s been the biggest benefit of this whole process. I’ve grown to love the comment section! I’ve learned specific tips and tricks to help my own journey. I’ve been exposed to new ways of approaching topics and ideas, and I’ve undoubtedly become a better writer and blogger as a result.

When I started writing for Get Rich Slowly, my own blog had just under 1,000 subscribers. After a year, I have over 7,000. Many of you have not only read and reflected on my articles here, but have become active readers and supporters of Man Vs. Debt, as well. I realize this and thank you.

I’ve also been insanely lucky to have J.D. as a mentor over the past year. He’s invested a big chunk of time and energy in helping me grow and improve as a writer and entrepreneur. At first I was shocked by how active and passionate the GRS community was. But after getting a up close and personal view of J.D.’s personality, work ethic, and writing skill, I’m no longer surprised by this. It’s crystal clear why GRS has grown into what it has.

While this decision has been a tough one, I know the timing is right. My year here as a staff writer has helped give me opportunities in my own life and business that were just crazy daydreams a couple years previous. It’s time for me to buckle down, step up, and make them happen!

Once again, thanks guys and gals. It’s been awesome!

J.D.’s note: It’s been great to have Adam on board as a GRS staff writer. This whole “staff writer” thing was a big experiment for me, and I was scared of how it might turn out. But he and April (and later Sierra) have done a great job of writing articles I never could have done. I hope to have Baker back as a guest writer now and then, and I’ll certainly keep tabs on him at Man vs. Debt.

This article is about Administration  Saturday, 2nd October 2010 (by Adam Baker)  

View the original article here

Ask the Readers: Help! I’m Overwhelmed! How Do I Get Started?

I’ll admit it: I’m way behind on posting reader questions. I get tons of questions, and can never reply to all of them. I do ask a handful of folks if they’d like to put their problems to the general readership. But even after sifting these through, I still have about a dozen dilemmas to put before you.

I had hoped to write up one “ask the readers” column per week that I’ll be in Europe, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I’ll post one today, and then we’ll tackle the backlog in earnest when I return.

Today’s reader question is a little bit different. Generally I edit the e-mails severely and then chime in with my advice before passing the baton to you. I’m not going to abridge today’s message at all. I’m posting exactly what came in. And I’m not going to lend advice — I’ll leave that all to you.

Here then are the woes of Kim, a single parent who is at her wit’s end.

My life has exploded with craziness. I am 26, a single mom (again) going through a dissolution of marriage from my husband (not my son’s father).

My husband kept everything, the house (currently in foreclosure) and furniture, his paid off car, the pets, etc. I kept my son and his belongings, my second hand dresser (older than me) my bed and books and my new car with a slightly hefty car payment (just under $300/mo). Everything else I own is second hand. I’m happy with this decision. I miss my house (I made it a home) but I’m happy with my 2 bedroom apartment. I removed myself from a very unhappy situation and with the support of my friends and family I’ve found independence and happiness.

My mother is disabled (brings home $800 a month after her medicare cost) I help her out as much as I can and in exchange she gives me free babysitting for various times. My son is 7, is very active (soccer, baseball, cub scouts, etc) has many friends and is the love of my life. I give him an allowance of $10 a month which is split between spending, saving (for college), charity, and saving for a long term goal (currently a vacation next year). He also receives spare change and sometimes dollar bills from my wonderful family which he is awesome about saving for his long term goal or giving to charity.

I’ve taught my son what my parents did not, money management. I’m still trying to teach myself. This year was especially crazy as my sister is getting married. I spent about $1,000 on the wedding (I’m a bridesmaid).

I currently work 2 jobs (1 full time and 1 part time), I coach soccer, I am involved in my sons’ scouting activities (mostly planning/helping at pack mtgs), and I have just started dating a very wonderful, responsible man.

My problem is I feel like I don’t know where to start. I gained a lot of unwanted weight during my marriage, the accumulated debt feels like a dead weight which I’m ALMOST done paying off but can’t seem to get rid of the last little bit, I’ve saved quite a bit but have also spent a majority of my savings due to unexpected expenses, I’ve neglected my mental health (I’m diagnosed bi-polar and depression) because I can’t seem to squeeze time and money for therapy sessions ($25 co-pay per 50 min visit), my teeth are in bad shape due to past bulimia/lack of insurance problems. How would I prioritize my and my sons needs/wants?

My sons teeth are in OK shape, mostly needs 1 cavity filled but the other 2 cavities are in teeth that will fall out very soon (doesn’t make sense to fill them). Otherwise his activities just seem to nickel and dime me to death. My boyfriend and I planned a vacation before we started dating and we were just friends. He gave me the deal of a lifetime and I took it with the support and well wishing of friends and family. We are now dating and he doesn’t understand that I don’t want him to pay for everything, even if I’m struggling. I have a need to accomplish things on my own, I don’t want him to rescue me every time I make a mistake financially.

I have a separate vacation fund with Smarty Pig, a savings account linked to my checking account which is used as a small emergency fund (for expenses I forget about) and am waiting until after my sis’ wedding to start a Smarty Pig emergency fund that I won’t be able to touch as easily. I promised my son we would take another family vacation next year and I feel that I could swing it if I pinched my pennies harder.

I guess my question is how do I prioritize my life? How would a normal (i.e. an individual who doesn’t feel like they are drowning) put their priorities? I’ve always put everyone else first, mostly I had to because I was a young single mom and relied on others to help me out so I felt like I owed them everything.

I do accept help for certain things that I feel guilty about (my dad pays my car insurance, I don’t pay my dad for babysitting but I pay my mom, etc). I’m intelligent, I’m better off now than I’ve ever been in my life and I’m happy even under all this feeling of helplessness and overwhelmed. Between both jobs and my child support I gross about $36,000 but I can’t really identify where about $8,000 a year goes. I’m currently tracking my spending in Excel to figure it out. (And by the way, I’m considering quitting my second job simply because I miss my kid!)

What advice can you offer me? I need to hear the truth from an objective party, no matter how gruesome it is.

Now do you see why I can’t reply to every e-mail I receive?

Kim’s situation sounds overwhelming. When I try to think of advice I could give her, it all sounds facile or mean. (”Yes, cut the cable TV. Use that money for one of the goals that matters to you!”) Or it sounds like a cop-out. (”Seek the advice of a trained professional!”) Plus, there’s a part of me that wants to offer to contribute money to her Smarty Pig account because I feel like she needs it more than I do.

But none of that is really constructive.

So, dear readers, this week I’m not going to offer my customary response to the “ask the readers” question. Instead, it’s all going to be your advice.

What should Kim do? Where should she set her priorities? How much help should she accept from others? What can she do to solve her problems herself? If you were in her situation, where would you start?

This article is about Ask the Readers, Budgeting, Relationships  Friday, 24th September 2010 (by J.D. Roth)  

View the original article here